Funny Nervous Monk Vodka Joke
A young monk is extremely nervous about his first sermon at the monastery, so the Abbot gives him a bottle of vodka and says, "When I get nervous I sip some vodka. Everyone thinks it's water, and it's gotten me through some tough times and long sermons." The young monk accepts the advice and takes a glass with him when he gives the sermon.
Later that day next he returns to his cell and notices his vodka bottle has been replaced with a note which reads:
Good to see the vodka helped with your nerves, but here is a little feedback about your sermon:
- Sip the vodka, don't gulp
- There are 10 commandments, not 12
- There are 12 disciples, not 10
- Do not refer to the cross as 'the big T'
- Jacob wagered his donkey. He did not bet this ass
- The 'late J.C.' Is not the best way to refer to Jesus
- It's the Virgin Mary, not 'Mary with her cherry'
- The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not called 'Daddy, Junior, and Spook'
- David was knocked from his donkey by a rock, not 'stoned off his ass'
- Christ said, 'Take this bread and eat it for it is my body'. He did not say, 'Bite me!'
- 'Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yo god!' is an unacceptable prayer
- And finally, there will be a taffy-pulling contest next weekend at Saint Peters church, not a Peter-pulling contest at Saint Taffy's crotch.
