"What brings you here today, friend?" asked the priest, somewhat surprised to see a Jew in his confessional.
"After seventy years as a virgin, I made love all night long to two twenty year-olds."
"I understand," replied the priest, "and you tell me this because you seek absolution, even though you are a Jew?"
"Not at all," replied the old man. "I'm telling everyone!"
~
"Rabbi, I think my wife is trying to poison me!"
"Very interesting," says the Rabbi. "Let me go and talk to her and see what I can find out."
A few hours later the Rabbi calls the man up.
"I've spent several hours speaking with your wife," he says.
"What should I do?" the man asked.
"Take the poison."
~
So two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100."
The one says to the other, "Should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonna do it." So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says "Well, did you get the money?" He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it??"
~
A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. She went to check it out, and going to the Western Wall, found him, walking slowly up to the holy site with a worn cane.
She watched him pray, and after about forty minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Are you Morris Feinberg?"
He glanced at her and nodded, but did not stop walking.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
He stopped, and answered, "For about sixty years.".
"Sixty years!" she exclaimed. "That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man. I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."
"And how do you feel after doing this for sixty years?" she asked.
"Like I'm talking to a bloody wall."
