"Religion is like having a classroom where the students have to show up every day, but there's no teacher. There are a bunch of books around and no one is even sure which on is the text book. Some students insist on one book; others argue just as hard for another. Then suddenly, on the last day, the teacher appears and says he's been watching everybody the whole time. He praises the ones who chose the right text book and sends them off to have cookies and milk.
And then he sets everyone else on fire."
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"You can't say something is 'real', and then claim it exhibits none of the properties of any other real objects, and can't ever be examined or analyzed empirically. That's pretty much a good definition of 'not real'" (PZ Myers)
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"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything." (Friedrich Nietzsche)
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"What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." (Christopher Hitchens)
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"When inventing a god, the most important thing is to claim it is invisible, inaudible and imperceptible in every way. Otherwise, people will become skeptical when it appears to no one, is silent and does nothing."
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“If there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion.” (Edmond de Goncourt)
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"You don't see faith healers working in hospitals for the same reason you don't see psychics winning the lottery." (Aeolus)
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"I enjoy mythology, but am not religious about it"
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"Your faith is not inspired by some divine constant truth. It is simply geography"
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"The doubt of your faith is not god testing you, it is the truth trying to emerge and free you."
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"Dear Creationists. The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for you."
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"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." (Susan B. Anthony)
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"Scientology. Because Mormons needed something to joke about."
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"Jesus hates figs" (Mark 11:12-14)
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"Staying in bed shouting 'Oh my God!' does not constitute going to church."
