Because religion is laughable

Jesus Smoke on the Water Cartoon

Funny Jesus Smoke on the Water  Picture
Funny Jesus Smoke on the Water Cartoon - Jesus! I thought I told you to quit smoking!  Make me.
I often wonder what Jesus got up to as a child, before he appeared on the preaching circuit.  Did he only get his powers at his baptism, or earlier?  Did he smite little Samuel for stealing his girl?  Did he even fancy girls?  My god, do you think he had the occasional tug??

No, because then he wouldn't have been the sinless, spotless lamb who takes away the sin of the world.

Jesus did not play with himself.