Pope Jokes

The Pope dies and arrives in Heaven where he meets St. Peter.

St. Peter: "Who are you?"

The Pope: "I am the Pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."

St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."

St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.

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Date Night or Catholic Mass?

A little wine, lots of candles, mood music. Date night or Catholic mass

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My Mother Was A Virgin

Funny religious meme - My mother was a virgin when she gave birth to me. Yeah, that's why three random dudes showed up at your birth with gifts.

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Cycling Nuns

Funny cycling nuns joke - I've never come this way before. It's the cobblestones

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Vatican City Map

Funny Vatican City Sex Offender Map Picture

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Dear Diary

Dear Diary, I miss banging dudes - funny religious cartoon

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Secret Bible Code

"Sister Agnes?"

"Yes, Martha; what is it?"

"Today's reading, from Malachi.  I don't understand it."

The old nun approached the bench where Martha sat between two other students, and wedged herself in between the three.  She looked down at the weighty braille Bible Martha was reading.  "What don't you understand my dear?"

"Well," continued Martha.  "It seems to be a story all about the birth of Satan, the one that was prophesied about."

Alarmed, the elderly sister snatched the Bible from Martha and ran her leathery fingers over the little dots.  Then she burst out laughing, "Oh, you silly child. You are holding the book upside down."

Funny Braille Bible short joke story

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Finally Together

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. Then, after her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.

At Maria's funeral, the priest looked heavenward and said, "At last, they're finally together."

Her sister sitting in the front row asked: "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"

The priest replied, "I mean her legs."

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Nun On A Break Joke

A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for her lunch break one day. She sits down at a nearby bench with her little packed lunch and turns to a group of workers, "Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

One worker stands up and shouts to everyone on the site, "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

Another worker shouts back, "Why?"

The first worker says, "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"

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Sisters of St Francis Whorehouse

I had been driving all day and was starting to flag, when suddenly a sign flashed by: "SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES".  I attributed it to my tired imagination and gave it no further thought.  However, soon I saw a second sign: "SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES".

All tiredness forgotten, and my interest piqued, I accelerated, and soon found myself in the parking lot of a large stone building.  A plaque next to the front door read: "SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS".  I got out the car and rang the bell.

An old nun in a long black habit answered the door. "What may we do for you, my son?"

"Well," I replied, "I saw the signs alongs the highway, and wondered if we could do business."

"Certainly," replied the nun.  "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."

I placed the money in the cup with mounting excitement, walked quickly down the dark hallway, and slipped through the wooden door, pulling it shut behind me.

As the door clicked behind me, and my eyes adjusted, I realised that I was back in the parking lot.

I turned in dismay, and then saw a sign on the door:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST FRANCIS
SERVES YOU RIGHT, SINNER

 Funny Catholic Nun Whorehouse Joke Picture

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Brother Theresa

Funny Brother Theresa Picture

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New Exorcist Sequel

Funny The Exorcist Sequel Meme - Have you heard about the new sequel to The Exorcist? A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.

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Wrong Predator Convention Cartoon

Funny Catholic church cartoon - I think we came to the wrong predator convention

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Father Begone Priest Repellant Spray

Father Begone Priest Repellant Spray Joke Advert - Now thwart even the most bothersome priests with the scent of a woman - Available in all good pharmacists

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Virgin Mary #MeToo

TMZ Magazine - Breaking News - Virgin Mary 'He impregnated me without my consent" Implicates God in Assault Scandal. Will other women come forward? #MeToo

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When You Get Your Own Place

Funny Pope Meme - When you live with your parents vs when you get your own place

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AC/DC Guitar Case Nun

Funny AC/DC Guitar Case Nun Religious Photograph

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Vatican News - Liturgy Change

Vatican City - In attempt to connect better with young people, Pope Francis has decided to add popular music to the liturgy.  Here, he demonstrates some of the steps the Vatican Council has approved for priests performing "Ballin' the Jack" (Observer-Effect Photo)

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Funny Holy Water Recipe

Funny Holy Water Recipe Joke Picture - Take tap water and boil the hell out of it!

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Funny Catholic Wives Anonymous Cartoon

Catholic Wives Anonymous - Last night, I almost moved during intercourse.  I'm so ashamed!

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